Tag Archives: great falls

Great Falls: An Isolated Metropolis?

Heh…just stumbled across this question on Yahoo! Answers: “Is Great Falls, Montana the most isolated metropolitan area in America outside Alaska and Hawaii?”

Well…guess it depends on how you define “isolated” and “metropolitan.” I don’t think anyone here in Great Falls would consider our community a “metropolis” in any sense of the word, except when compared to, say, Geraldine or Cascade. But in terms of being a large community with all/most of the amenities associated with city living, OK, maybe we are a metropolis in some sense.

And “isolated” – well, isolated from what, exactly?

Here’s a the screenshot, along with a somewhat humorous reply marked as “best answer.”

Montana Haircuts

Alex did a story yesterday about the new “Man Cave” that recently opened in Great Falls, offering spa services for men…and it reminded me of something that Nate of Missoula posted recently at New Heathens about a “barbershop” in Stamford, Connecticut:

Upon arriving in Connecticut in November, my buddy needed a haircut and was overjoyed when he found a barbershop in downtown Stamford called “Montana.”

“I thought, ‘Yes! A real Montana barber shop,’” my friend said. “The kind where there’s great conversation and a guy gives you a good, reasonably-priced haircut.” The kind of place our dads used to take us to back when, you know, I was getting haircuts.

Then my friend looked at the “menu” for this barbershop.

At Montana for Metrosexuals you can buy “packages” named after three Montana towns and one dogsled race. The “master barber” will give you “The Billings” (Haircut, Sports Manicure, Spa Pedicure) for $118. He’ll give you “The Butte” (Haircut, Sports Manicure, Royal Shave) for $128. He’ll give you “The Great Falls” (Haircut, Sports Manicure, Spa Pedicure, Royal Shave and a massage) for $195. And he’ll give you “The Race To The Sky,” (all of the above with a longer massage) for a whopping $215.

Two hundred and fifteen dollars for a dude to give you a massage in Stamford, CT named after a fucking dogsled race! For real? You can pay a month’s fucking rent in Great Falls, MT for the same price as “The Great Falls” Royal Shave in Stamford!

Nate then goes on to list many, many “Montana-ized” versions of haircuts, which are pretty darn hilarious. Some of my favorites:

The Big Sandy = A flattop.
The Missoula = Your hair is knotted into dreadlocks and softened with patchouli oil.
The Bozeman = Brad Pitt’s haircut? Yours.
The Whitefish = Ooh, look at that mountain. Your haircut will be a million dollars, please
The Paws Up = Haircuts (TM)

Really, you should go read ‘em all.